Losing a parent is so very hard, hard at any age but harder when you are younger and experience it I do believe. You’re sad and then happy. You laugh and then sob. You see a grandfather and grandson and secretly hate that they get to play together. You wonder if you’re the right amount of sad or if you’ve cried too much or too little. You let yourself feel and think about some of the memories that you shared and then stuff it all back down.If you got to say goodbye, you replay it over and over. And if you didn’t you ache.You try to go on living, because you’re still here. There’s purpose, there has to be.To the outside world, you look whole and functioning. But really you feel as though you are wandering around with a giant piece missing. As the days turn to weeks and those turn to months, you wonder if you’re beginning to forget this man that was your shoulder to lean on, your pal, your friend, your teacher. What if you forget what it feels like to hold his hand or to be held in a tight hug? What if someday you can’t remember what his voice sounded like when he prayed or greeted you when you came home from being away?You wonder how to be thankful at Thanksgiving and what being merry at Christmas even looks like. How can the new year be happy when your entire world is in pieces?Your life will never be the same and people who love you will continue to look at you with that look and ask you how you’re doing. You’ll have days from here on out where you’ll be doing the simplest things in life like driving but a song comes on that reminds you of your dad and it’ll feel like someone punched you in the stomach and you’ll feel your eyes fill up with tears. Eating a meal you know he would enjoy as much as you and you can’t take another bite because you feel guilty he isn’t here anymore to enjoy things you still can. They’re so many things that will have you grieving like the very moment you got the news. I myself can’t tell you if that feeling ever truly goes away. The days are long and hard but you figure out how to get through them. Think about all the laughs you shared and even though it may bring tears to your eyes you’ll be smiling at the same time. When start to feel like your chest is tightening up and you just can’t take anymore, close your eyes, think about how much you loved him and how much he loved you. That’ll help the pain. No one prepares us for times like this. We all know it’s going to happen sooner or later but that’s one thing I believe we all keep buried in the back of our minds. Just pray like you’ve never prayed before. God will give you the peace and comfort you need. There will still be hard days but the peace God can give you is unexplainable if you’ve never experienced loss before. I pray your days are a peaceful as possible. From one grieving daughter to the next.