I completely understand that everyone grows up and matures at different paces, on their different timeline. This process has to come from intrinsic motivation...but I hope so much that you'd give it a try to meet A where she wishes you would.
You both have such a special bond. A trusts you more than anyone, ever...You are "home" to her, from the genuine feeling, memories and understanding to the compatibility of friendship. She's impressed and loves it that you're smarter than her (she admits she just works harder), but you are not yet confident and strong enough to love her, for a romantic relationship to work. It truly breaks her heart :(
We have a very small family, then also her dad has been sick for a long time, I've instilled in her mind that she needs to be independent, works hard to be OK on her own. She has no sibling, and mom dad won't be around her forever. As a result, she's a strong person who can do most everything, so for her to need someone else in her life, that person has to be manlier, stronger for her to let her guard down to trust and let him lead. It might have been my fault for raising her up that way. Sorry!
She's determined, motivated and wants to have someone like that to walk with her in life. Her hope was so high when you said you'd consider West Point...It's not like she only wants someone in the Service Academies for the look or to be cool, but throughout the whole process, setting the goal and working toward it, is already a benchmark to show strong mindset and masculinity (manliness). Even if military school plan doesn't work, you guys can happily and successfully be at Georgia Tech. The point is, it's the journey that counts, not just the destination.
Sadly, in reality, you might have just said it for fun...but it's hard for A to deal with the disappointment of a lost hope. Her mind has won, for being stronger than her heart. You are such a special friend. To confess that she loved you is not like a short fling...then broken-heartedly, she decided to move on from you to not mess up and lose the friendship.
To be confident and to ease in the transition from boyhood to manhood, young men often go to the gym, do something out of their comfort zone (ie: learning new thing, working part-time...) When that inner feelings of confidence are built within you, you'll have "rizz"; you'll be comfortable to insert dominance. Rizz is not just merely sending a text or a cute meme on the surface, which she would careless. You can be clumsy and awkward and she still loves you. But it is real charismatic characters to confidently know what to do. For example, you would work/study hard to improve for the sake of yourself, not for mom or dad or to seek approval or to dodge trouble...From there, on your own, you would buy flowers for your girl; you would just show up to surprise her; you would be comfortable with sexual jokes and make connection; you would confidently communicate :)
Well, A said she wanted you to kiss her multiple times...but you just didn't catch the hint (bummer!) Then at the Halloween hangout, she's so upset and realized that you're not ready to be a man for her in the relationship. You let Joseph ran to wash his hands and put her hair up for her, you let other boys flirt with her...you left her alone, without being protective or attentive of her. You let Dalton snatch her to a golf date. He also joins the climbing gym to workout with her now. Her other friends bought her flowers after this concert. Even Ren bought her flower last year...
Again, it's not your fault for not knowing these things the first time...However, it all takes learning, effort and more importantly, the motivation to start doing something for change. All of this, not only to get a girl, but to grow up to be more confident in life.
As a mom and a teacher, I just want to share with you these observations and thoughts as guidance. You are an amazing young person. You're deserved of all happiness. What a pity to see 2 beautiful persons who love each other, yet being without love! It's sad that you and A walks pass each other like this, without giving it a better chance to be together.
It's all up to you, if the love is strong enough, if you would decide to take the action, to take the lead, then her heart still yearns for you. She believes "if he truly wanted to, he would". Just know, she has space in her heart for you to move in. When and how, is up to you. Hopefully, it won't be too late...
If you choose not to, I'm very certain that you will find a compatible girl, at your current level, where you'd never have to push your limit but might still live a comfortable life.
A, hopefully, will find someone else who shows up at the right place, at the right time for her...but why leaving it to chance? to possibly regret for not trying the hardest now, then have to live with the "what if?"
No matter what, as a mom, I'm grateful to you for being with A through so much, without you even know about it. For example, after her first breakup, you were there for her. And the day that she knew about her dad's most recent diagnosis; she was very sad, but coincidently, you suggested her to come watch Star War with you...Those hugs and your companionship have helped dry her tears . So thank you!
Love, Mom